(Pictured, Obey River Campground, TN on 10-31-20)
Moonglow 2020
Nov.15, 2020
This image more aptly represents me, in the time and place,
Nov. 2020, COVID times. I’ve done some soul searching since my son arrived home
for an extended visit to us for the holidays, from Mexico. He casually
mentioned that my posts are nicey-nice…or something like that! “Well,” I
exclaimed. “I think I’m trying to counterbalance the nastiness that is often
all that one sees in social media” I tell him. Then I think about it for a few
days.
Now this image is a true representation of me at the present
because it shows bright light in the dark and I am NOT the bright light. I am
searching for it. I search by thinking of trinity in the reflections in the
water and sky. The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are a beloved trinity. My
husband, kids and family, another one. My friends, here, far away and long
gone, yet another. I see hope, light and love, (another trinity!) in all of these.
Then, there’s the underlying, under the surface fears going
on with me. I am facing a project that is not easy for me. I am creative, but
very, very unorganized in thought and action. This project, while extremely
important and meaningful, is sucking the lifeblood out of my usual positive
self. Is this kind of pain, which brings to light all of my inadequacies worth
the energy it takes to complete it? Well, what would I tell my students? “Have
grit” I’d tell them. “Stick with it and with practice it will get easier”, I’d
say. A little perseverance now will go a long way later, I tell myself! So I’ve
done the equivalent of kicking and screaming, toddler style. I’ve stormed
about, cried a little and stomped off to bed early. I have also worked on this
project. It’s not easy yet, because I cannot create what I want, but must fit
the project mold, perfectly.
I’m still trying to do this thing that is not easy. I’m
still working on my attitude and feel the whole experience makes me a better human
– a better wife, mom, and friend. Hopefully it will make me a better colleague,
teacher and motivator. But for now, I must go into the dark night and seek the
light of the moon, and face my inadequate and unorganized mess. I must shed some
moonlight on it, since in this particular case, I’m not capable of spreading
sunshine, but I will be again. I will by all that is in me. I will.
Now my social media persona is not all of me and now you see
that. Like most, I want to be sunshine and nicey-nice. But sometimes, I’m a
dimly lit moonglow and that’s ok.
